Stardust
by LynstHolin
Summary: Charlus Potter/Abraxas Malfoy Abraxas reflects on his decades-long relationship with Charlus.


This story might not make much sense if you haven't read any of my other Abraxas fics-you can find a list of them on my profile page, under 'Awesome Abraxas universe'.

This is for a 100 Themes challenge. The prompt for this one is 'stardust'.

...

_And now the purple dusk of twilight time_

_Steals across the meadows of my heart_

_High up in the sky the little stars climb_

_Always reminding me that we're apart_

This was one of their songs, his and Charlus'. Along with 'The White Cliffs of Dover,' 'Some Enchanted Evening,' and 'Deep Purple'. How many times did they dance together behind closed doors to that sweet melody? Abraxas always tried not to let himself daydream too much, but when he rested his head on Charlus' chest and nestled into his arms as they swayed to the music, he couldn't help imagining that it was the first dance of their wedding reception. A world where he could spend his life together with the one he loved; just one more impossible thing he longed for.

_You wandered down the lane and far away_

_Leaving me a song that will not die_

_Love is now the stardust_

_Of yesterday_

_The music_

_Of the years_

_Gone by_

They had both married women, of course. Charlus had been happily wed. Abraxas' marriage was an unmitigated disaster that haunted him for decades after his wife died from complications of childbirth. It left its traces in his relationship with his son, his only child. When Lucius was a boy, Abraxas had never been able to give him what he really needed, and he grew to be a man that made a disastrous choice. The two of them hadn't spoken in over a year.

If Abraxas had been free to marry Charlus, then- Abraxas stopped himself from following that line of thinking to its logical conclusion.

_Sometimes I wonder why I spend_

_The lonely nights_

_Dreaming of a song._

_The melody haunts my reverie_

_And I am once again with you._

Abraxas had worked hard to not hate Dorea Black Potter. She was a lovely woman, actually, and had always been warm to Abraxas even though she had to have suspected his feelings for her husband. Charlus was a very honorable man who would not so much as hold hands with Abraxas after his marriage, and those years were so long, the nights so empty.

Abraxas had hit the bottle pretty hard during that time, and had eventually been banned from several pubs for brawling. He had also thrown himself into his work with a nearly suicidal gusto, going after creatures that had never before been defeated by a mere human; he had the scars to prove it, wrapped around his torso like ropes. He had survived, though he wasn't always happy about it.

_When our love was new, and each kiss an inspiration._

_But that was long ago, and now my consolation_

_Is in the stardust of a song._

When Dorea died, Abraxas hated himself for how that made him feel, but how could he be anything but happy that he could once again dance with his Charlus, that they could spend nights together, sleeping with their limbs tangled together? Charlus' hair had receded to the tips of his ears; he had a pot-belly and skinny legs and an incipient double-chin, and he was still perfect in Abraxas' eyes. He imagined them spending their old age side by side, doing old man things: puttering around in the garden, complaining about young people, sitting in rocking chairs and listening to the WWN. Of course, things didn't go as planned.

_Beside the garden wall, when stars are bright_

_You are in my arms_

_The nightingale tells his fairy tale_

_Of paradise where roses grew._

Abraxas had only seen Charlus' grave once, and that was on the day of his burial. That sad patch of consecrated ground meant nothing to him. Instead, he went to a lake that bounded the northern edge of the Malfoy lands. He and Charlus had both enjoyed the Muggle sport of fishing, to the puzzlement of other wizards. It didn't matter if they caught any fish. It was the time spent in each other's company, mellow with beer. What they did catch, they cooked over a fire. Abraxas' lips curled up in a rare smile as he remembered some of the other things they got up to by the fire after dark.

Abraxas sat on a rock on the lakeshore with a transistor radio playing 'Stardust' beside him. He popped the cap off a bottle of beer and poured the amber liquid out, watching it disappear into the sand. "Happy birthday, Char." He opened another bottle and sipped it pensively. "I haven't forgiven you yet for leaving me, you bastard."

_Though I dream in vain, in my heart you will remain_

_My stardust melody_

_The memory of love's refrain._

Stardust lyrics by Hoagy Carmicheal © Universal Music Publishing Group, Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., EMI Music Publishing


End file.
